Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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