he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
