that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
