well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
