oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
