I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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