I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
