i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
