You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
