call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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