I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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