You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When are your genitals available?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
