I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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