Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
