and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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