My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't turn off my feet"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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