I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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