Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
