how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i dont even know how to be here
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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