I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
