your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize