Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She bit a glass in half.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
