I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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