He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
