I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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