there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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