I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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