Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
