you would pick up someone in the library
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
