all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
