Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
