Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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