Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
