then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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