Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
