Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
