My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
