Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
