Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love you. Go after that dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
