My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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