My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
operation have a gay friend backfired
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
