you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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