Redeem this text for a blowjob
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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