dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
