I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
