after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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