Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
