I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
