I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
