eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
