you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
