How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize