im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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