I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
