i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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