Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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