he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
