Pappa wants mamma naked
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
