First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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