u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
