these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
