your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
