Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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