what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ttyl tear gas
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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