My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
