Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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