my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
