I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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