The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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