i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize