Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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