i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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